No one can promise you a soulmate

Feb 13

No one can promise you a soulmate

and may that truth set you free

*Maybe the search has something to teach you too.*

It’s tempting, isn’t it? To put all of our faith into someone outside of us and make them promise to tell us how it’s all going to work out?

I don’t know any woman who has been chronically single that hasn’t at some point felt that desperation for someone to JUST TELL HER WHEN IT WILL BE HER TURN!! *alexa, play “the prophecy” by taylor swift*

But here’s the cold, hard-to-swallow truth: no one can promise you a soulmate. Not your dating coach, not your therapist, not your wise old auntie, not your favorite self-help guru or TikTok tarot reader or friendly neighborhood psychic. Even if they do their very best to assure you that someone is coming, they can’t guarantee you the when or the who or the how or the where.

And if you’re anything like twenty-five year old me, some part of you is kicking and screaming in revolt at that statement. I hated not knowing. And I hated being single in a world that told me my worth was a direct reflection of my relationship status. So if you told that sweet, yet deeply frustrated, barely brand new adult, that I am now thirty-five and single…she’d be pissed.

Because what she doesn’t yet know is that there is something even better than knowing when you’ll meet your soulmate: living a full life regardless. And what my deeply anxious younger self would eventually learn is that there’s also something much worse than never finding your soulmate: never finding yourself.

A journey I can almost certainly assure you I wouldn’t have undertaken if I’d had a partner to distract me during my most potent years of self-discovery. (and by the way, those years can happen anytime…like for my mom, who got to discover herself as single woman for the first time after losing her husband in her sixties, only to reluctantly find her next soulmate at 71).

For many years now I’ve focused my work as a somatic therapist on the realm of attachment wounds…basically, helping people understand the specific reasons why love has hurt so much in their lives and how to unravel those patterns so they can choose better and love better, starting with themselves. It’s beautiful work. And I’d be silly to think that most of my clients don’t come in hoping that our time together will lead them directly (and quickly) to their soulmate. I know this, because I had the same secret intention when I first sought out this kind of healing for myself. I was motivated to do it because I thought it would bring me closer to my dream partner.

And in many ways, it did. Just not in the whole physical time & space sense. Doing this work helped me find my own edges. It helped me define my sense of self. My boundaries. My desires. My hopes and dreams and fears. The things that turn me on and bring me joy, unbiased by the input of a man I’m trying to impress. Discovering all of those parts of me helped me become infinitely clearer on the qualities I desire in a partner, and the kind of life I want to build with them.

In getting specific and owning these desires, I began to feel emotionally and energetically closer to my partner. The one I haven’t met yet. Because that specificity allowed me to move from “I hope someone loves and chooses me one day” to “I love and choose myself so fiercely, I can already feel the intimacy of being with someone who loves this version of me too.”

But beyond all that clarity about this future-partner, my journey of healing and self-discovery brought me to a version of my life I didn’t know was a possibility. It’s like a secret trap-door opened in the fabric of reality the moment I chose myself, and things started unfolding for me that I once believed I could only access in a relationship. The dream house, the adventures and vacations, the romantic little every day moments…my life started to fill with a kind of love I really believed only one special hypothetical person was supposed to give me.

This is what I know:

I could meet my person tomorrow at the grocery store.

Or next month at that concert I booked solo.

Or next year on a trip I have yet to schedule.

Or I could reconnect with someone I met years ago but forgot about, only now the timing is right.

I could meet him while I’m actively looking, or when I least expect it.

And sure, there’s always the possibility that I don’t meet someone (though this is the least likely of all). And I have no way of knowing which it’ll be.

So with that guarantee in my back pocket, what can I do with what I know?

I can live the most beautiful freaking version of my life imaginable, because it’s not waiting for a soulmate to begin. It wasn’t on hold ten years ago and it’s not on hold now. the time will keep passing, and I want to make damn sure I lived it in a way that makes me proud.

And I might not know you, but I want you to do the same. I want you to take this terrifyingly liberating knowledge - that no one can promise you a soulmate - and go out and decide how to fill your life with that kind of love anyway. Right now.

I want you to know the joy of standing on the edge of a cliffside you always dreamt of visiting, wind in your hair and voice in the wind. (a practice I highly recommend btw, the ladies who attended my Ireland retreat last year all shared the world’s most cathartic and primal scream off the Cliffs of Moher. scared some tourists, but a phenomenal experience overall).

I want you to feel the bass rippling through your body as you favorite band plays your favorite song and tears stream down your face because you’re so grateful you decided to work through your social anxiety and go alone. I want you to experience the luxury of taking up the entire bed and creating life on your terms and still holding your tender desire for partnership because we’re humans and it’s totally normal to want love. It can all coexist, and you can hold it all, the beauty and the intensity.

No one can promise you a soulmate. But only you can promise yourself a beautiful life.

with love,

Megan

ps…if you want to learn more about calling love, authenticity and JOY into your life, you can work with me 1:1, follow me on TikTok for no BS advice, and even attend my 2026 retreat for women - it will change your life!

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